The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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