so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
