Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
