I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
