i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
