I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
