I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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