I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
