How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
