Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
