wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
