before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
