We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
