Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
