I heard we made out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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