break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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