Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
