Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
