So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
