Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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