Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
