I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
