just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
