he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
