ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
