Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
