Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
