Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
BRING THE BAGELS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
