so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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