did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
