You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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