my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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