I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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