yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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