i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
