just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
