dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
