You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
