i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
