If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
