I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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