And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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