The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
