Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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