fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
