dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
