we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
