im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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