he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
