so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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